kicking it old skool

Who could have imagined that one day, those 3 little words, neatly typed up and laser printed onto a piece of crisp A4 paper, would mean the world to you? Coupled with another seemingly innocent piece of ex-tree, with the words “no abnormalities from CT scan” blazing across it; why it’s enough to make me giggle with glee.

That feeling is rather short lived though, because even though that means on a macro level all is well, it’s the micro level that remains unknown. So about me not having to go for Chemo, well, lets just say that was a God Damned lie.

I also take the time to reflect on the violation that was the CT scan. I guess if I was prepared for it better, I could have handled. You see, I was mentally fired up for a MRI scan. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to swallow the contents of this bottle of Barium Sulphate, one quarter at a time, and then lie on this bed while we systematically stick you through this radio active donut, all the while injecting you with a steady stream of Iodine. Oh, and BTW: hold your breath for a minute at a time please. Else we’ll have to do it all over again…

Anyhoo, the good Doctor has referred me to the hottest kid in town for the next part of my journey. At the moment it is estimated that I should go for at least 2 sessions, as opposed to the full suite of 4.

“Chemo-Lite™” as I like to call it. “For the discerning Cancer patient. Now with less radiation.” I’ll believe that when I see it.

So what is Chemo? We’ve all heard the name. We all know what it does to people, from hair loss right through to loss of body mass. Oh yes, and then there is the extreme nausea, free of charge. For that I would like to turn your attention to this little piece of the Interweb, which will facilitate you with all the required information. All pakced in a neat, bite sized and microwaveable package, like everything else in your busy life.

Did I mention I hate needles? Have I not said I HATE NEEDLES!!?

So I’m keeping a stiff upper lip. I’ve regained some of my old swagger and I’m expecting the lay-dees to totally dig my new scar! I’d have to keep it shaven though I guess, but that’s cool too, cus it makes your wang look like totally bigger. And shit.

[G], out

All hail the wang!