kicking it old skool

Before we begin, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that this is Blog Post numoro 50, the big Five-O, and had this been cricket (ps: I fucking hate cricket), I’d be the guy with my helmet off and my mighty big stick in the air, amidst a stadium of fans and televised audience of no less that 2 billion (at least), basking in all the magnificient glory, that is me.

In short: sure you've done it, but I make this shit look good!

and… cue rant…

Monday again, and I have to admit that I am feeling remarkably frisky.

It may all be relative to last week though. The chemo itself wasn’t that rough, except for that stupid needles part, but the after effects where awful. The best way I’ve come to describe it is massive fatigue (akin to doing a 105 km Cycle tour) with a “I’m getting the flu” feeling, constant nausea and the attention span of one of my goldfish.

It’s really easy to see why people lose the heart to fight cancer with this sort of treatment. This shit breaks you man. I also feel like a god damned coward for bitching about it so much, since I only need to go for 2 sessions. There are people fighting way worse cancers right at this very moment; who are literally sacrificing chunks of their body (and subsequent soul) just for the slimmest chance of extending their lives by a few more months. And even then, it’s not for certain.

So all things put in perspective, I’m not as bulletproof as I once believed to be.

I’ve also been dealing with a lot of anxiety over my plans for next year. That VISA is burning a hole in my little strongbox at home. I’ll freely admit that recent events have rekindled that ol’ line of thinking. Most of that anxiety is also centered on my own business and what will happen to it should I leave. At the moment though, there’s not a whole lot to lose!! :) Business has been really tough and with no real concrete projects as of yet, it shouldn’t be too much of a biggie.

The question is this: Do I keep at it (the biz, I mean), given that the last 7 months hasn’t really shown any real return on investment OR do I look at it in January and go “well, there’s always plan C” (which is FINALLY go overseas!!).

Take into account that I’ve been nagging myself to go for the last 5 years and that there is ALWAYS something else, some “good thing” or someother reason to stay. Also bear in mind that classic entrepreneurs will preach all sorts of gospel about “how it takes a business 2 years to really get going” etc etc. Add to that the simple fact that I HATE GIVING UP or admitting that I’m beat (the Ego is Strong with this one).

So I dunno, I’m outtie. My head isn’t really screwed on straight just yet, even though the Chemo Nightmares have subsided (I shit you not: really intense dreams, if you could call them “dreams”), I don’t reckon I should think too much about it.

I would however be lying if I said that a certain little Minx, who requires at least one years worth of practical work in her field (preferably in the U.K) in preparation for her Masters, does not hold a very significant sway vote over the matter.

[G], out

baa baa, bad sheep