kicking it old skool

As always, the last couple of weeks has seen a flurry of activity :)

My business plans have shown the most positive effects from my efforts. The business case and cash flows are meshing quite nicely and a very clear roadmap for the next 2 years has been established. We finally got our logo and colors sorted out as well and I have to say that I’m quite pleased with what the boys have cooked up for us. I suspect that down the line we’d probably revisit the look and feel (as some companies do) but for now, I’m content. Considering the costs involved with doing a full blown corporate identity and marketing et al, we got a pretty good deal. What’s kind of cool is that now, for the first time, we can get all over the website part of the project, including letter heads, biz cards and email templates. It’s almost feeling like a REAL company!!

On the other fronts, things are, sorta good. My girl went in to have her tonsils removed this morning, so I suspect she’s passed out on some of the best (legal) drugs money can buy! Went to go see her during visiting hours earlier on and she looked pretty banged up. I will be picking her up tomorrow to take her to her folks’ house and for the next 2 weeks I suspect I will be filling in as bell boy. I’m usually into the role playing thang though, but somehow I suspect she won’t be in the mood…

I’m also trying to make her life as “comfortable” as I can, for there is yet another, more sinister and ultimately draining emotional storm brewing, one for which I fear she is woe fully unprepared…

We went to go visit her grandparents the other day. I seem to recall her mentioning something about things not going to well and she’d get very emotional, but being a man sometimes means that you either don’t press the issue or even pay much attention, as a woman NOT crying is way more preferable to one that is.

Whatever it was, the penny finally dropped that evening: her grandfather has cancer. And he’s dying.

I’ve met her grandfather a couple of times before and he’s a really cool guy! The kind of person I, as a young adult, could spend hours talking to about history and events before my time and get an “eye witness” account (albeit biased) of events that shaped our world. He also seemed to be ok, from where I was standing and at the time I wouldn’t even have noticed. But it was clear from the visit that the big guy won’t have much longer.

Dealing with death is never easy. I, for one, had to endure two grandparents being taken by cancer. First my grandfather and then, 360 days later, my grandmother. Same church. Same tie. Same spot in the graveyard. Same emotional anguish.

My Achilles heel has always been my mother. I can handle ANYTHING, but seeing my mother cry breaks me up every time. And as cruel fate would have it, these where both my moms parents.

The worst part of the process for me was seeing how once proud and tall individuals get systematically destroyed by this horrible affliction. Going to visit for weeks on end, just waiting. And waiting. And pretending everything will be ok. The helplessness at seeing the pain and suffering that they have to endure.

And then anger. Anger at “what-ever” force in the universe, be it God or otherwise, that could allow such pain and torment.

My Grandfather wasn’t a bad man. He worked hard his whole life, raised children and supported his family, like any man should. Likewise, my Grandmother was a proud and capable woman, absolutely drop dead gorgeous in her time (I remember looking at the old weeding pics and going: “what the hell did she ever see in Grandad?!” :) ) and loved and supported her family, as a loving wife should. They where good people. I’m sure they made mistakes too, but in the end: They where GOOD people! Why then, where they to be subjected to such humiliation and suffering?!

The other really, really hard thing for my girlfriend is that she cannot accept death. She literally breaks down, on every conceivable level. And it just so happens that her Grandfather is very special to her. He’s been a guide and support to her through out her life and as she confessed the other day, he's her hero.

Another thing I always feel is a pang of regret, over the loss of knowledge. I mean, the wealth of knowledge, a WHOLE, LIFE LONG wealth of knowledge and experience, just, gone. All the things you could have learnt, had you taken the time.

I have long since resigned myself to respect my elders and “listen” to some of their insights and advice. Some themes in life NEVER change and its striking how many of the same scenarios my folks faced growing up, I have faced as well. They’ve seen this movie: They’ve done love and the career thing and friends and growing apart etc etc etc. Same shit, different day, just updated with SMS’s and the Internet.

This is turning out to be a monster blog, so I’ll draw it to a close.

Bottom line is that the next month will feature getting my business going, doing contract work on the side for my old job (yeah, they’re hiring me back, at double my salary. Can I get a whoop-whoop?!), finishing off my DBA exams and looking after a physically battered and emotionally drained girlfriend. Above all, Im hoping that we can get through the pain that is to come, so that the healing process can finally begin.

I’m about to have a very challenging month…

[G], out

Freddy Mercury said it best