kicking it old skool

Yep, true. Nope, not April fool. Read on...

Got home today, check mail and BEHOLD! a curious envelope with my name on it. I say curious, for there is no stamp nor RTS address. So I open it up (not thinking it may be anthrax or worse) and HARKEN! a letter from a very pissed off repossession agent jumps at me! After all the blah di blah legaleeze, the hand written scrawl stated in no uncertain terms that next time Mr. Friendly collection agent iz bringin' the Po-Po fo shizzle, in the event that I (concerned, confused and down right bewildered citizen) don’t contact him immediately.

Before I jump on the horn though, I re-read all the juicy parts and under the “Details of which are below” section it lists, categorically, that I am the proud owner of a Renault Kangoo.

Now, before I start, let’s add a visual aid, shall we:

Just in case you may be wondering “mmmm, maybe it looks better from a different angle”, I wish to point you to here.

…that’s right…take it all in...

Got it?

Ladies and Gents, pimps and debutants, I am a 27 year old warm blooded South African male. In the event that I never ever (ever ever ever) want to get laid again, then yes, this motor vehicle would be my weapon of choice.

Since I would never do such a crazy thing (I loves me some laydees) I would not never be seen driving this vehicle nor would I be caught riding shot-gun. You would have to hogtie, gag and beat me 2 inches from death to get me into this thing, and then it'll have to be in the back (where there aint no windows). And EVEN THEN, I'd rather chew through my own wrists than risk the slightest remote possibility of being caught in this thing, dead or otherwise.

But, I digress. So I phone up said kind sir of the letter and of course, he doesn't believe a word I'm saying (at which point, I re-label him an uncompromising-fuckwit, unable to process logic or reason. Obviously a perfect candidate for middle management…)

I explain to UFW that I am not contesting said ownership of name and address but that I wouldn't be caught DEAD driving a Kangoo let alone owning one (see above). So anyhoo, after some back to fro we at least establish that:

a) it aint April fools day
b) I have become a statistic

It would be funny, if it wasn't so tragically inconvenient. Oh well, I'll sort it out tomorrow when the (hopefully) more approachable office clerks are around so we can sort this shit out. UFW mentioned that it’s not uncommon that this has to go to court first, which I really really wouldn’t enjoy. I’d have to wear a tie. I hate wearing ties.

In the meantime, I hope I’ve kept the big burly men at bay and no attempt to rob me of my toys will be made as of yet. At the very least they should understand the risks, catch up on some National Geographic. Everyone knows that it’s most unwise to corner a frightened Techie. Especially one that watched 300 last night! You’d be surprised how much damage a trapped geek yelling "TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!", swinging a Blackberry can do…

[G], out

this. is. SPARTAAaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!11oneone